so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
