i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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