Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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