we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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