Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
