Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize