Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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