you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
