Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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