One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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