Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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