O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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