u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
