i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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