I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
