Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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