I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
