my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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