Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
