i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
