So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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