i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
