Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
