you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize