do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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