Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
