Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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