got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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