can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
