So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
