Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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