I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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