theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
