weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Of course I have a pirate flag
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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