I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
