we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
