So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
