So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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