im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
