Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Boobs speak an international language.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
