You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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