Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
