This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
