I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
