i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
