Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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