So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
