a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
