I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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