he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
