Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
