I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
