i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
