Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
