I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
