Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
