Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
