I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
