I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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