I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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