my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
