i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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