Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
