i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
