My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
