Tell her she can't have a vagina
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
