did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
