If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
