I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
