Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
