addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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