Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
