I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
