why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
