I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
