Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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