i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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