i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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