Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
