I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
