But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
