I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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