I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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