There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize