Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
