Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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